Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Sleep who?
Does it really matter? You should be doing me!!

You’re welcome folks. I made that one up all by myself. Dont worry, I’ll be here all night. Literally.

Since I’m an expert now, I’m also going to give you a list of great things to help combat your insomnia. And by that I mean “A List of Things That Won’t Help You Sleep But Might Make You Feel Productive”.

• When you’re thirsty at 1 AM, you should always drink Dr. Pepper. Half a bottle should do the trick.

• Next, when you can’t seem to lay still, you should try tweezing your eyebrows. There really is nothing more relaxing than pulling tiny hairs out one by one.

• And finally, when you can’t turn your brain off, you should write your about me page & your first post on your new blog even though your header looks like shit because you’re too tired during the day to actually fix it and too lazy to go get the computer right now.